Slapdash Files: Apocalypse Now, or in a Few...

I love Chinese people. I got a lot of 'em as friends, but sometimes I have a hard time buying into all the fables and fallacies they adopt & beleive in. From Godzilla to Mothra to Dungeons & Dragons...alright, I got carried away. The above video is a spotlight on the Oarfish, a massive toothless monstrosity, whose body stretches approx 15meters. First sighted of the coast of Bermuda in 1860, these dudes kick it out of sight, dwelling approximately 1000 feet below water level. It is immensely rare to see them, as the only live one caught on camera was in California in the video above.
Why am I posting about Chinese "Sea Serpents"? Well, since November 2009, almost 20 have washed up on the shore of Japan, spooking the hell outta my vertically challenged brethren. Legend has it that whenever this starts happening, it means there is massive earthquakes on the way. This makes sense, cause think about if underwater volcanoes are poppin' off thousands of feet below sea level, all that seismic activity would disrupt their habitat. The Japanese are spooked because seismic activity is most prevalent in their country. Too many signs indicating destruction & demise on the horizon.
I need copious amounts of food & water, 3 bad b*tches for my rotation, & a spaceship so I can be Swayze before sh*t hits the fan on this planet.

Ladies, apply within the comments section...